W O R S T W R I T I N G N O T F R O M T H E O R I G I N A L
And The Nominees Are...
- The Mayor, to Sister Simplice, about Fantine: "Do you disapprove of us showing mercy and care to one of God's poor suffering children?"
Simplice: "She has the vocabulary of one of God's poor suffering sailors, if you ask me..."
- In the barricade, during the battle: Enjolras says to a wounded man: "Please don't die!" Immediately followed by Victor Hugo's narration: "And, they're
- Valjean shows up at the barricade in uniform, gives it to the fifth man, then says something which one can file in the "thank God this is on radio so I don't have to see
this" bin: "Perhaps one of the men can loan me his britches; otherwise I'll be fighting in my underwear..."
- Gavroche returns from his mission to deliver the message to Cosette, and tells Marius: "Every street in Paris is a freak show waiting to happen..."
- When Marius talks to M. Gillenormand to ask for permission to marry, this is the one time when Victor Hugo, narrator, should not be present, but there he is coaching on the sidelines,
telling the old man to forgive Marius, etc. In the words of Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Ah, the classic battle between evil, and the Narrator..."
- In the scene of Éponine's death, when Marius sees her, she says, "I took a bullet for you, sir..." which sounded way too much like when Concord is hit
in Monty Python And The Holy Grail: "Message for you, sir..."
- Wait a minute... Javert is hiding behind the curtain at the Corinth? And Combferre ambushes him? Oh come on!
- Gavroche, to the National Guard: "Monkeys shoot better than that! So here's to you!" (blows raspberry)
And, the winner is:
Enjolras, making a speech to his men (italics are mine): "In the coming 20th century, men and women will be free!"
(Um, Enjy, honey, it's 1832; the 20th century is seventy years away... not to mention the fact that--let's be honest--your revolution had nothing to do with
women's equality, so don't get all politically correct on us, you're not fooling anybody...)
We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Program....